You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
