dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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