Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
