I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
