Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
