4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Randomize
