so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
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It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize