she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
