Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
