...so i touched it.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
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Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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