3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So apparently I’m into choking now
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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