u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
