wrigley field is MILF paradise
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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