We're like a lot better than the average bears
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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