you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
