Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
