Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
