i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize