i'm signing you up for texting rehab
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
