but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
