your room smells of hookers.
And success
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
