I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
