Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
