Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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