You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
