Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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