mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
