we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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