11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
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We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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