Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
