my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
