You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
