He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
