i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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