He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize