Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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