Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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