Dual....:-)
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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