to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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