Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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