I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
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Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
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