Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize