He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
