so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
