I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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