Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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