I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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