Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
