i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
