It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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