He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
