Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
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this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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