my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
