I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you win again, gameday.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
