dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
you had me at cake vodka
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
