ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
