Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
