Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
