My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
