around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
