i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
