R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
