Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
