Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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