i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
