I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
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while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
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Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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