Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
