I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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