roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
