You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
