I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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