he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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