I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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