Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
