She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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