GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
