I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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