yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
cat food counts as protein by the way
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
